damn calendar

I would have completely forgotten that it's your birthday today had I not decided to pay the bills, which meant going into the back room, which meant realizing it was time to turn the calendars page, which meant seeing my handwriting denoting your 41st? I hope that you're happy. I hope that you're nicer. I hope that you understand sometime how very cruel you were to me, and I hope that you maybe see that I wasn't to blame. I still sometimes think that there is no one that will fit me as well as you could, but that really wasn't love and I couldn't fix it alone no matter how hard I tried. Happy birthday. I really loved you.