I blame it on mercury in retrograde

So hey, I feel like an absolute bitch today. Why not post for the 1st time in many moons. I think at one point this used to be an outlet, and I think it used to be good. Let's try it again, shall we?

4 weeks not smoking. 4 weeks on the patch. I've had a few here and there, but it's the day to day habit that's the hardest to break. I'm still weak when drinking. But all I know is that I'm not inhaling 1/2 pack of toxins a day, and that's got to be a good thing. It's gotten to the point that I just cannot pretend any more that it's not killing me. Not that anything "happened", no, I just can't ignore that consistently inhaling toxic chemicals isn't going to hurt me in the long run. That plus I went to the dentist for the 1st time in 5 years. Yeah. Not good. My paranoia (literally) + smoking for 23 years has not been so kind to the gums. So two cavities down, two more to go plus a crown for a tooth that broke a couple of months ago. Thank god for benefits. Those first two cavities were $400 already. Yeesh.

Had a shit week at work, got a strip torn off of me and thrown to the dogs. Seems like someone needed to establish who the boss was and we all know it's not me. I don't think I've ever been screamed at like that, at least not for a long long time. It ended with me just staring down at the table muttering "fine... fine... yes... fine..". Yes you broke me. Happy now?

And hey it's mothers day! I feel like an insult to my gender. I'm 35, so very very single, and not really sure what my fucking problem is. The last guy I was interested in wove a very elaborate story about his wallet being stolen and me being "kind" (read: sucker) ended up giving him some money (not much) and never heard from him again. Good one. Glad my fucking radar is on point like that.

In short: feeling pretty rank. There are not enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done. Yes my yard needs attention. Don't fucking judge me.