so much time, so many bad flicks

I realized today how many movies we've watched in the last couple of months, so I thought I'd make a wee list. Pick of Destiny was pretty dissapointing, but they did hit some nice harmonies. Stranger than Fiction was surprisingly good (how does he make his eyes so dead?). Hostel was gory, and Alien vs. Predator was cheesy and fun. Babel was well-told. Dummy was sweet. Bubble was odd. The Lake House was exactly as bad as I thought it would be. Jackass 2 was groan-inducing. Little Miss Sunshine was joyous. And Prime was anything but, really.

best christmas ever, yo

Awesome. I got everything I wanted, including an MP3 player, a new microwave from the current decade, some nice blouses, and sharing my family dinner with the man that I love. Topped off with an hour long walk, some yoga, and a sci/fi & horror movie. And the family above is not my family, but we sure did have those hats!

how do they do it?

Type "sing". And anything else you can think of.

backstage at the CMA's

It's vulgar, but I laughed out loud on Sat night watching this. The dancing! The clothes! The hair and moustaches! I can't get it embedded for some reason but you can check it out here anyways.

a first time for everything

At 32 years old, I call my mom after a night of drinking for a safe ride home. Thanks momma. Yes, I'll help you move that hide-a-bed.

t-11days

Somehow I'm totally on top of the game this year. All my gifts are bought, paid for (thank you visa!), prettily wrapped and labelled already. Momma, brother, girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend's kid, and secret santa. Yeah ok, it's not many, but I'm still pretty impressed with myself. And it wasn't even that extraordinarily stressful. I even bought a box of non-denominational christmas cards for co-workers and the like. What am I, 70?

notquafresh

Oh Aquafresh, why hast thou forsaken me so? Your standard triple action whitening formula seems to no longer be available in Canada, but is surprisingly still advertised on your fascinatingly flashy website. Do we canucks no longer deserve white teeth and fresh breath? Are we condemned now to a life of sparkle gels and *gasp* mini breath strips? All I ever asked for was something dependable in this life, but now you're gone and there's an ache in my heart that I'm pretty sure has started with my not-quite-clean-enough-for-my-liking teeth and gums.

body, mind, spirit & fascia

Well, gentle readers, yesterday was the day, the holy trinity of self-help appointments, that's right I'm talking massage, I'm talking counselling, and I'm talking tanning. Hard to say which one I enjoyed the most. I will admit to feeling like an idiot talking to the salon girls about how to use a tanning bed. "Just push the switch and you have up to three minutes to get in" the 1st one said, and turned her back and walked away. Umm... "hello? could someone explain this a little more to me please? I've never ever done this before." Turns out there's an adjustable radio and and an adjustable fan and yes that little vinyl thing is a pillow for your head and yes you can take as many clothes off as you want and no you absolutely need goggles and what a lot of work for a quick 5 minutes of hallucinatory claustophobia and out-of-body paranoia. I lay in that bed with my eyes clenched tightly shut cuz I was so scared of leaky goggles and I thought "someone could come in to this room and be dancing around me or stealing my wallet and I would have no idea..." yeah sure the door was locked but what a good ruse that would be!

something's gotta give

No, not the world's worst movie, but seriously, this weather pattern has got to change. Isn't it June yet? When does Mayfair pool open again? Maybe I should check out the free tanning I get with my (haven't been in 2 months) gym membership for some vitamin D and try to break this funk to pieces. I need more than just getting by.

hello december

I can't even begin to tell you how much my skin hurts. The layers on my cheeks are hot, and tight. My eyes are thick with viscous scum and I've stopped even pretending that I should care about the flaking of 6000 cushioned nose blows. I gagged on my own snot today. And I wrote this 2 winters ago, but it's sure not complete:


There are some things that even a casserole can’t fix.
like aching hearts, and broken bicycles, and
the fact that you know that there are more eyes than necessary watching you.

Public, yes,
and private, even more so.
Who can determine what I feel besides me?

beside me, alone, in this house, alone,
we dug a firepit that never shone.
I don’t know what to do with this
I don’t know what to do with this much
I don’t much know what to do.

I don’t want this heaviness, this knowing of weight.
It makes me stupid, and clumbsy.
tongues like loofas
fundamental, and gone in dreams so vivid there.

inherent, apologies,
this is not
anyone’s business but my own.

The similarities are astonishing, and
the differences clear. The ratio is
not quite right.

Perishables will perish.
Throw them in the pot.
I am 31 years old and none the wiser,
or wiser than I trust myself to be.

Space claimed, and named,
corners pissed on and left unattended
like baggage at the airport
we sat at wrong gates.
waiting to be destroyed.